Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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