If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
