Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
All I want is dick and wine.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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