I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
