I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
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Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
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I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
Pick me up at 9.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in