my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.