the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.