PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
handjob tips. give me some.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.