Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
