I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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