So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
