I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
