Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
