Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
