My hair reeks of homosexuality.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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