I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize