do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
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I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
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she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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