So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
