Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
