just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
