Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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