There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
