i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I take back everything I said about communal showers
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
