and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
