they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize