I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
