sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
