Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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