What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
