I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
