I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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