he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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