So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
