Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
