Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
