he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
