WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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