i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
