4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
