Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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