I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
