Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize