I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
