He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
