Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
