we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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