i permit you to call me
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
