How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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