what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just high enough for therapy.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
