I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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