I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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