Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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