I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
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Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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