Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
