I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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