There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
