My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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