they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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