i don't like sucking hair
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
