Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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