My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
