dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
